Wednesday, June 05, 2013

late night eating party

I have been night eating for some time now.  It is a difficult thing to explain, how you can go through the entire day and be good and not eat, and then go to bed and wake up, with this monstrous hunger and no will power.  For the most part my family has adapted pretty well.  Some time ago, my kids learned to hide their candy, lest "Mr. Hyde" would come and eat it at night.

We also lock up the food at night.  I have a chain around the refrigerator door, and another around the pantry.  So then when I do wake up and come downstairs, I am like some sleepy, grumpy, pissed off bear waking up from hibernation, looking for something to gnaw on.

We usually leave out some kind of snack food in the form of compromise.  Oatmeal, or my favorite, popcorn.  Real stove popped, olive oil and kernels in a stainless steel pot kind of popcorn.  "Dad's burny popcorn" they call it.

Unfortunately, my children, at least the boys, and especially PJ, share my love of the stuff.  So any time I start making popcorn, the burnt popcorn pheremones start wafting through and suddenly PJ is down there with me, asking if he can have some popcorn.

I share the popcorn with him, and we sit by the TV.  I feel like we need to watch something on TV.  I pull up Netflix and play some episode of Futurama.

Then Anna comes down.  I don't know if she was asleep already, or if our noise woke her up.  She is a teenager though, and teenagers generally sleep by vampire rules, so she was probably up doing something.

All the kids know the combination to the locks on both chains, the one for the fridge and the other one on the pantry.  Its a running joke with us, I am always asking them to tell me the combination and they always say "no dad."

Anna goes to the pantry and unlocks it, and gets some cheese its.  I tell her to hold the door open for a second, and I look inside.  There is a large package of Oreos on the third shelf.  At this point I am awake enough to know that am doing damage to my diet by eating, but its strange, it feels like we are in some kind of twilight zone and what I eat now won't matter.  Plus I have already fallen off the wagon, so to speak, for the evening, and my resolve is gone.

"I didn't know we had these?"  Anna says, and she has a couple of oreos as well.  PJ comes over and has a couple.  We stand there munching on cookies, and after some silence, Anna locks up the pantry and we head back to bed.

The next day no one spoke of this.  It was like fight club.

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